There’s A Difference

Lately, I’ve been exercising a self-imposed silence for the sake of my domestic custody battle. I didn’t want to risk slipping something  or hinting at the direction the courts were taking that You-Know-Who was not aware of. Plus, he liked to accuse me of making defamatory accusations, which he declared such in his response to the courts here because of my Facebook Page, Bring Z Back to Me

The domestic courts in Monroe County, Ohio have officially decided after examining all the evidence, that I should have sole custody of Zander based off the Defendants conduct in violation of the Hague convention. 

As of May 8, 2018, I have sole custody of my son, and my son will not leave the United States anymore. No more risking he will not return.

But I’ll get into that at a later time.

Right now, I want to share with you all the first conversation between You-Know-Who and Zander after he found out that I had won. He found out on a Tuesday, and the first court ordered conversation was Wednesday.

Also keep in mind that his mother, in Malta, called my Mom Tuesday to scream at her and blame me and call me a liar and accuse me of neglect and threaten to call child services on me (details later).

The conversation is long, but I really wanted to show the entire talk. I have a plethora of conversations I can transcribe and share, but this one I think is really important.

Zander starts the phone call off with his field trip he had had that very day. Keep in mind that Zander voluntarily sharing anything is unusual for him. Zander should have been allowed to continue talking while he was in a sharing mood.

Zander is Z and You-Know-Who is A.

A: So going forward with things, it’s Wednesdays & Saturdays.

Z: Mmhmm (sound of yes or ok)

A: Today is a Wednesday, Sunday is in a few days. *pause* It will be a while before you come to Malta. *pause* You  know that?

Z: Nn-nn (sound of no)

A: Well, you won’t be allowed to come for a number of years, not my decision. Will you be okay with that?

Z: Mmhmm.

A: You sure? *pause* Zander! This is really important.

Z: What is important?

A: Well you know, you know how it used to be when you were here for the summer for 2-3 months?

At this point, I could see Zander was uncomfortable so I muted the call and told Zander he didn’t have to answer anything that he didn’t want to.

A: Zander?

Z: What?

A: Remember how it used to be in the summer?

Z: What? I didn’t hear the question.

A: You remember how it used to be in the summer?


A: Well, that’s not gonna happen anymore. Okay?

Z: Mmhmm.

A: You can only come again when mommy says it’s okay for you to come.

Zander changes the subject and wants You-Know-Who to watch a video.

Z: Watch it for 5 minutes.

A: *makes impatient sound* Have you … what I said?

Z: Mmhmm.

A: Well don’t you have any thoughts, questions?

Z: Nn-nn

Long pause.

Z: Are you watching the video?

A: Oh, I’ll watch it in a sec…..Oh! So another thing, if you ever want to call us,  you can …… I’ll always have Skype ……. <unintelligible = …..

Z: I know you’re phone number. Says the number.

A: Good. *opens the video* Oh not this again. You do realize cats don’t do … parties and they can’t DJ right? *no response* Zander?

Z: Hmm?

A: You know that right? Cats …….

Z: And here’s my number *he sends “meow” through messenger*

You-Know-Who relays a message from his mother asking if Zander wants anything.

Z: I want a WarJack book.

A: ….WarJack book. I will look into it, and if I ….

Z: Remember when I was 8 or 7, and you gave me this WarJack like your dwarves, and it came with a book? I want that book because it’s gone.

A: Where did mommy put it?

Notice how he immediately puts the blame on me. Btw, that book was destroyed by Zander in the last house we lived in 3 years ago. Zander was too young and irresponsible to have an adult hobby book.

Z: I don’t know. All I know is I was playing with it and I left to Malta.

A: Okay and how come it wasn’t in your room?

Zander doesn’t realize it, but You-Know-Who is still insinuating that I maliciously threw it away, which is what he told Zander I do with his stuff.

Z: Because I took it out and played with it.

A: Hmmm, alright. Well I’ll see if it’s ….. and I’ll send it to you.

A: Connections really bad today.

You-Know-Who proceeds to discuss building a bunny hutch.

A: Are you bored?

Z: yeah!

Zander mutes the call and talks to me.

A: Hello? Hello? Zander?

Z: What?

A: Do you want to talk…hmm?

Z: Nn-nn.

A: You don’t want to talk?

Z: No, because I’m breaking up. *Zander makes noises by the microphone while clicking mute off and on, off and on. I’m breaking up.

A: What? Yes, it’s not coming from my side. Maybe it’s the internet on your side. *Pause* Do you know what Sunday is? Do you know what Sunday is Zander?

Z: Yah!

A: What is it?

Z: Idk

A: You know what Mother’s Day is right?

Z: Mmhmm

A: Are you getting something for your mother?

Z: What?

A: I’m asking you!

Z: I’m getting you a ring. *He got me a ring*

A: What? You’re getting me a ring?

Z: yeah

A: I’m not your mommy. Do I look like your mommy?

Z: Yeah. [YKW] can become anything. He can become a ladybug.

A: Ok, that’s interesting. Didn’t know I had that power.

Z: And that’s why I squish every one I see.

I just want to point out that this is not the only time Zander has said something rude like this. But what I find most interesting is the ability that You-Know-Who exhibits to twist it around to make himself look good. Zander loses interest afterwards and simply says “yeah” to it all.

A: …oh…because you don’t want it to be me?

Z: …yea…

A: Is it because I’m too strong?

Z: …yea…

Long, awkward pause.

A: Next time we meet, you’re going to be as tall as me, maybe even taller. You might be a teenager the next time I see you.

No Response from Zander.

A: Anyway *frustrated tone* Sunday is Mother’s Day 

Z: Zander overlaps the last part of his above sentence with, Meow Meow Meow.

A: Ok enough with the ….zone. Sunday. ….to your mother. I think he said “thanks to your mother” but not sure. I’m going to call you and I want you to wish a Happy Mother’s Day to Grandma [B], and if you would like, I would like you to talk to [You-Know-Who’s wife]. Remember [wife’s name]?

Zander ignores You-Know-Who and talks to me. He put a Zinc pill in his water and was fascinated at it fizzing and asked me what Zinc was for.

A: Do you miss her hugs?

Zander continues to talk to me even though I’m pointing toward the computer. Then he unmutes the call.

Z: I’m so bored, and Stephanie is right next to you.

A: Yeah, you want to talk to her?

Z: No, I just want to hang up. I’m so bored.

A: You’re so bored, you sound like a drama queen.

Z: I’m the King of Dama!


The conversation ended a moment after this. I do still remain in the room with Zander when they talk, but I stay way back. Zander can’t see me, although he’s constantly looking back at me trying to include me (when he mutes You-Know-Who). I usually sit and read a book, but I will intervene when Zander becomes uncomfortable. I’m teaching him that he is his own person, and he doesn’t have to respond to anything he doesn’t want to.

I have always respected that Zander is his own person. 

For example, You-Know-Who wants Zander to go into drama class and become an actor. Zander doesn’t want to. Zander revealed to me that he hated drama class when You-Know-Who made him attend that summer in Malta while we were fighting at trial.

Zander doesn’t like to be in front of people. He’s so shy that he would rather wear a coat on warm days than show his bare arms to his classmates. 

Zander wants to be a YouTuber; this has been an unprompted wish of Zander’s for years. Yet You-Know-Who belittled that idea. Belittled that dream. Belittled Zander.

I nurture it.

That is the DIFFERENCE.

I personally feel this conversation speaks volumes. Read between the lines. I had not talked to Zander about what was happening in court. Zander doesn’t need to be brought into it. What did he think shoving it in Zander’s face would accomplish? You-Know-Who was very belligerent and petulant every time Zander failed to respond the way he wanted. 

It’s all about Control.

He wants control, and even 5000 miles away on a different continent, after losing his custody rights because of HIS actions, You-Know-Who still tries to alienate Zander and I. Parental alienation has many faces.



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *