Continuing this never-ending saga. If you didn’t read Part I, you can find it here.
Next part of his response is as follows:Quoted, “Following the second summer visit in 2015 with the father…..the mother planned to unilaterally have the minor withdrawn from Union Local School, and home schooled by herself with the argument that the school was not catering for the minor’s needs and furthermore was not benefiting his overall wellbeing.” In our custody agreement, it states Section 7(c), “The parties agree that decisions on the minor’s education, including the choice of educational establishments are to be taken jointly between the parties. The choice is to be made with the best interest of the child in mind and at later stages taking the child’s opinion and inclinations into consideration.” By 2015, I had had 6 years of experience knowing that You-Know-Who did not negotiate. He demanded. He expected nothing less than complete obedience. There was never any mature discussion with him, no matter how much I tried. This school failed my son repeatedly. His Kindergarten teacher would call me on a near weekly basis encouraging me to be Zander’s advocate because they weren’t listening to her about the fact Zander needed more time outside of the classroom. The main reason we moved an hour away to that school district was for their new sensory room for children exactly like Zander. He rarely ever saw that room. The ABA therapist literally never showed up to do her job. I demanded she do her job. I was that parent who was in their face, calling them, showing up, just to advocate for my special needs child. Here’s an email excerpt that You-Know-Who likes to use as his evidence:
Please keep in mind that this woman was fired by the end of the year, but not before she set up Skyping in school without involving me, the residential parent. I had repeatedly requested of this woman to send me weekly updates about Zander in her care. She never did. Zander’s teacher stated there was no time with her. Rumor has it, Kara was claiming all these special needs children did not require her services and classrooms were more than enough so that she could skip work for half the day. Most days she never even showed up for work. Pissed off parents with doctor’s notes showed up with their lawyers demanding help for their children. Hence, the ending of her employment. The reason You-Know-Who likes to praise this woman is because she gave him an ear. She told him what he wanted to hear, not what he needed to hear. That school, besides that hot mess of a woman, was not catering to Zander’s needs. That school was not in his best interests. That school was not for Zander’s well being. I was told by not only Kara that Zander did not need outpatient services outside of school. When I told Zander’s therapists what was said, they told me the woman was obviously not that educated on autism and sensory issues. Again, I am not going to listen to anyone who wants me to ignore Zander’s needs and medically neglect him. You-Know-Who states that I only chose to homeschool in retaliation to my finding out about the Skyping that had occurred behind my back the previous school year. Although that was the icing on the cake and the final straw with that school, it was by far not the reason. I had been discussing homeschooling Zander on multiple occasions starting in 2013. I discussed my thoughts openly on social media. Here’s one of those screenshots:
They punished me for legally removing Zander from school during days he required therapy services. I was repeatedly threatened with truancy action. For those who can’t see the SS, it reads, “Well, they’ll be hearing from Zander’s behavioral therapist soon and she’s taking it all the way to the Board of Education for allowing my special needs child to sit in his poop all day yesterday!” Just one example. There was another time when I warned them that Zander was not always aware of his surroundings and would wander. Sure enough, they LOST HIM. He ended up on a bus and in an entirely different city from us over 30 minutes away. That school was incompetent to say the least! I had very good reason to pull him from that school. I had tried complaining to You-Know-Who…you know, one of those let’s be adults and co-parent about our child and his needs. Never worked out…
I knew that we were planning on moving at that point in time. We had plans to buy the family farmhouse in the next county over, in a completely different school district. My husband had grown up there, and I [rightly] assumed that these people who Josh knew would listen to me about my concerns with Zander’s educational needs. Zander was denied an aide at the last school. He has his own aide at this new school. I have zero issues with this current school. We had hopes to move by the end of the school year so I knew that homeschooling would be temporary. I informed You-Know-Who this was temporary. These are my reasons. He refused to discuss it, as I knew he wouldn’t which is why I already started the process. The school denied my right to pull him out of school as Ohio law claimed I could, citing that parental agreement clause. The parental agreement did not state that You-Know-Who had final say. Usually the custodial parent is the one who deals with the day to day, ins and outs of life caring for the child. I was living our life while You-Know-Who did not. He was hearing false reports from a woman who didn’t do her job. What the school should have done was allow me my legal right to remove Zander from school despite our joint custody agreement. If the parties cannot jointly decide on something, that’s why there are courts and judges to help decide! The school had no right to act like a family law judge. They repeatedly violated my parental rights in favor of You-Know-Who. They interpreted our parental agreement wrongly. I had asked Zander if he wanted me to pull him out of school and teach him myself. He said yes! He even told You-Know-Who over the phone that he wanted me to! But I guess Zander’s opinions don’t matter if it wasn’t You-Know-Who’s idea forcing it down his throat.
Again, I did not homeschool in retaliation to their violating my parental rights. It was something that had been long overdue. I even told You-Know-Who, if you feel that you must take me to court over this, then do so. By the time we have a hearing, he’ll be back in public school again. Again, this was always meant to be temporary! I had to do some basic maneuvering with the legal system, but I did successfully pull him out of that school. After that, You-Know-Who seemed to calm down and accept it. In fact, by January 2016, in the middle of my homeschooling, he seemed to accept the idea so much so that he requested I homeschool again in order that he could have visitation the following Christmas! We all know how that went.
He never accepted it. He just got even.
I explain the lies of this statement regarding YouTube in this blog. His quote, “the father enquired time and time again on the academic progression of the child, yet was given little to no satisfaction.” You can say that again. He enquired weekly. He was never satisfied with what I told him. It was like talking to a wall. He wasn’t happy with the situation so he refused to make the process of homeschooling easy on me. I explained to him that public schools only give you progression reports every 6 to 9 weeks! I was giving him at least 1 month update to the best of my ability. I sent him examples of his work. As my mom regularly says about him, “You give him an inch, he expects a mile.”
In point “q”, You-Know-Who states, “However, when the father followed with simple literacy and mathematical exercises, he grew concerned with what seemed like regression.” First of all, you can’t use terms like “regression” in the same breath claiming your child absolutely does not have autism. Zander rarely is capable of much for the first month after international travel. I had repeatedly explained this to him as it repeatedly fell on deaf ears. He was simply looking forward to see me fail. He never once supported my efforts to homeschool. Wouldn’t that be the mature thing to do with co-parenting? I had also freely and openly admitted that he was behind in Math, but it was not from lack of trying. He had made progress, but he was still behind. He learned Math differently than how they taught in school. Even after one whole year in 3rd grade after his return, he still has issues with Math facts. Zander has special needs. Zander has learning difficulties. This is reality. You-Know-Who had a game plan. Find someone to say Zander did not have autism so he could blame his special needs, regression, learning difficulties, and lack of socialization on me. Let’s also not forget that Zander was placed an entire grade ahead of where he actually was while in Malta…
You-Know-Who also quotes in point “q”, “The child also expressed on his own account; emotional hardship and distress to spend so little time with the father.” This is not what Zander claims. Zander was perfectly content visiting Malta, and he’d be okay staying a little longer, but not forever. You-Know-Who is the one who repeatedly and obsessively brought up Zander staying longer in Malta. He brought it up on their way to the airport before ever leaving America. It was not okay to place that kind of an adult decision or choice on an 8 year old special needs child, who was later found to have the mental age of a 6 year old. That would be like me asking Zander before a scheduled visitation, “Do you want to stay here with me and do all this fun stuff rather than go to Malta? All you have to do is tell me yes and I’ll fight for your rights.” Then I don’t send him. Guess what? I’m in trouble because this isn’t something you have your children be part of. Parenting 101. Another quote, “The child asked to stay for a long period with the father which the father raised with the mother to be turned down flatly with no room for discussion.” Well besides me already stating this was not brought up by Zander by Zander’s own words, let’s see what the Hague Judge had to say about this. Quoting from my Hague Order of Return, “On the 18th of December 2016 at 11:21 A.M., nine days after the defendant had initiated judicial proceedings here in Malta, the defendant sent an email to Barbara Hise reading as follows:” and this is where he asked if Zander could stay in Malta for one year, a lie which he tried to trick me with and did in fact trick Zander with. The judge continues, “He fails to mention in his email of the 18th December 2016 that a few days before he had instituted judicial proceedings in Malta in order to retain the minor here in Malta.” And actually, in my reply, I mentioned this besides just a flat no, “We might be able to discuss this when Zander is a teenager but at 8. No.” Sure sounded like “room for discussion” to me. Much more than he was ever willing to reciprocate to me. Nice try there though.
Again, the point of these refutations is to prove to you that he is a strategic mastermind when it comes to word play designed to make me look bad.
This next part is still part “q”. You-Know-Who has repeatedly brought up this psychologist report that states Zander does not have autism. He tried to fight me in this new school by pushing the ADHD factor rather than his autism. I of course, never received any conclusions to any reports that were ever done on Zander in Malta, quite unlike how I did things, which was at the very least, provide documentation after the fact. It wasn’t until his recent response in regards to the appeal he’s working on that I finally saw the report for myself. He insisted to the courts, to my family, to the school, and even to Zander that he did not have autism. He had ADHD. I remember when Zander came home, he sounded like a parrot, “I don’t have autism. I have ADHD.” Literally…like a parrot.
Without further ado, I report that his interpretation of that “report” is false. The psychologist said no such thing.
It was a basic assessment. Quoting in that, “perceived by his father”. It also quotes, “no prima facie signs or symptoms associated with a diagnosis of an Autism Spectrum Disorder were observed to be present, nor were they reported to be present in the home environment by [You-Know-Who]. In addition, it is my opinion that at this stage, formal assessment for the presence of this disorder would not yield reliable results, due to the major upheavals going on in this child’s life, as well as the fact that very little reliable developmental history is available at this stage. However, it is my recommendation that Zander be formally assessed in nine months’ time after having given the child a fair amount of time to settle down in his new life in Malta.” As I stated in a previous blog, YOU ABSOLUTELY NEED A DEVELOPMENTAL HISTORY TO PROPERLY DIAGNOSE AUTISM. You-Know-Who does not have access to this pertinent information. She never formally diagnosed Zander has having ADHD or as not being on the Autism Spectrum Disorder. Not like I myself had had Zander formally diagnosed. Not like You-Know-Who had once had Zander formally diagnosed as having Aspergers, which is a form of autism. Yet he holds onto this paper like a lifeline. Like a crutch. Holding it in front of him like the Holy Bible as he preaches and points his hysterical little finger in my direction, “That evil mother deprives this child of his inherent potential and any chance at a normal childhood by falsely claiming he has autism!” No…you are denying a part of your son and refusing to accept your son for who he is by not seeing the truth.
Let’s also analyze a part of that quote. You-Know-Who attempts to use this documentation to paint me in a bad picture. He also claims again in point “q”, quote, “The father bearing in mind following arguments:- ….Given an account of emotional stress and hardship by the minor….Raised the matter with the Maltese court on the matters at hand and requesting whether it was pertinent to have the child remain legally in Malta on account of his psychological wellbeing.” Now back to the psychologist’s words. “In addition, it is my opinion….would not yield reliable results, due to the major upheavals going on in this child’s life”. I wasn’t the one who caused these major upheavals. And it is proven psychologically that international parental child abduction is so detrimental to a child’s emotional wellbeing, that it is considered child abuse! I would also take a gander that a psychologist would back me when I state, it’s not in Zander’s well being to be with a parent who absolutely refuses to accept their son has autism.
Until the next Part! To be continued…